Your Questions Answered
We will be answering five of your questions every month. Simply send in your question using the ask a question form and then come back to this page the next month to see whether your question has been selected. We can't guarantee all questions will be answered, five questions will be selected at random. And don't worry, all questions are anonymous and we don't ask for any personal details.
Just one other thing, we can't answer specific personal questions as it's always best to ask these face to face. Take a look at Your Area to find details of your local clinic where you will be able to ask your question. Please also remember not to be rude in the questions you ask. Just as you wouldn't put up with offensive words, neither will we.
Here are this months answers:
Condoms are the only protection against STI's and are 98% effective. Using them
allows you and your partner to relax and enjoy sex whilst keeping yourself safe.
No type of contraception is totally 100% safe, as sometimes people don't always
use them properly and also accidents can happen. Sexually transmitted infections
can be transmitted by oral sex and other very close physical body contact as well
as full sexual intercourse.
Condoms are only safe if they are used properly. See the
contraception page for advice and pictures on how to put a condom on and some of the
problems to avoid.
What really matters is what's right for you. Everyone has different sex drives, which
is how often they feel like having sex. As long as you and your partner are happy that
is all that counts. Feeling pressured into having sex can leave you feeling bad. You
may even find that your friends are exaggerating and are doing it a lot less than they
say or even not at all.
That's a tough question and not an easy one to answer! What feels like love to one
person can be different for another. It is not based on physical attraction alone
(this would be lust) but things like caring, friendship, respect, commitment and
trust. You can feel different types of love for different people like your family,
friends or your boy/girl friend. In a relationship two people should feel good about
themselves and each other. There should be no place for violence, abuse or taking
advantage of each other.
Most surveys show that young people want to talk to their parents about sex and
relationships. They can be a really great source of information and advice. It
is best to pick a time when your parent isn't stressed or busy doing something
so you know they will have the time to speak to you. Talking about sex can be
embarrassing so if it feels easier you could use things happening on soaps, TV
programmes, adverts or magazines to get the conversation started.
The legal age someone can agree or consent to have sex in England is 16. This is
the same whether you are gay, straight or bisexual. The laws are there to protect
young people from abuse or from having sex before they are ready. The age at which
someone feels ready to have sex can differ. Before having sex for the first time
think carefully about whether its right for you. Lots of people who have sex too
young say they regret it later. Even if you are under 16, you can still get free
and confidential advice from your GP, local GUM or family planning clinic. See
the 'your area' section of the site to find out
where your nearest services are.
Masturbation is touching your own or someone else's genitals for sexual pleasure.
It can be part of foreplay with your partner or a natural and normal way of
exploring your own body so you know what's pleasurable for you.
The best place to go to is a genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic. Staff are fully trained
and friendly and there is no need to feel embarrassed as they are used to dealing with
sexual health concerns all day, every day. You can be treated for all STI's and you only
need to pee in a pot or give a swab so it's simple and painless. In South West London
there are GUM clinics called 'The Point' which are only
for under 18's so you can choose one of these if you would rather only be there with
people your own age. All 'The Point' clinics are drop-in so there's no need to make an
appointment and you can also get advice, free condoms and pregnancy testing as well if
you want. Go to the 'Your Area' section to find out where
'The Point' and other GUM clinics in SW London, such as 'Be Wize'
in Richmond, are located.
There isn't one way that always works it depends very much on the person you want
to ask out, how well you know them and how easily you can approach them. Try finding
a shared interest like a film or favourite band you can talk about. Get to know one
another and try and get a sense of whether the other person likes you too. It can be
scary but if you get a feeling you both feel the same be brave and just ask.
The right time is different for everyone. The most important thing is that you don't
feel pressured into having sex. There can be quite a lot of pressure to feel like you
should be having a sexual relationship but it can be a bigger step than people think.
See our checklist under the publications section
for a few questions you can ask yourself which will help you decide whether you are
ready. If you have any doubts or think you will have regrets then it may be better to
wait. In this section, you will also find a list of
ways some young people we talked to suggested you can show someone you love them without
having sex.
